Ice and underwear and peaceful SLEEP!

We have been home on "snow days" for the past two days due to a big ice storm which knocked out power all over town. We were lucky and have had power today, but Sera's daycare and our school did not.

It has been really nice to have these 2 days home with Sera, with absolutely nothing on the agenda that I "needed" to do AND when I have felt like myself, not a wet noodle....I wish I could have had more of those kinds of days when we first came home and that I did not have to go back to work to support us, but we really enjoyed these two days together! We hung out and relaxed, made cookies, blew bubbles, painted nails, played with stickers, danced around the house and even got some chores caught up!

Sera YangYang was thrilled to help me sort out her laundry and put it all away! She absolutely loves clothes! So much so ,that when she found a pair of Aubri's ruffle panties she wore when she was just a year old, she HAD to wear them! She pranced and danced all over in them and was so excited! She looked so cute that I just had to share a photo.... She stayed perfectly dry in them and asked several times to go to the bathroom. Much more so then when she has been in pullups! She wanted to keep them dry! After running around in her skivvies, she then must have been a bit cold, because she then piled on layer after layer.... the house was 70 degrees and she was soon sweating, but enjoying being a litlle clown. She is just too funny! Aubri and Andy were so happy to be playing with us and really enjoyed her too!

I have honestly been a bit, OK well... ALOT worried about how she has resisted being close to me any other time than when I have fed her, bathed her, dressed her or put lotion on her. She has been very sweet at these times, but when I try to pick her up and cuddle her just because... it absolutely infuriates her! She can be so independent does not want any help unless it is something she just cannot begin to do herself.... It is cute, but really worried me that she could not relax and let me help her.... She did not trust that I would, I guess. The struggles with Andy being aggressive to Aubri have dimmed so much that they truly are a distant memory and he always was wiling to snuggle with me.... "His needs were so different. He was sooo spoiled and initially wanted to return to be spoiled. Sera has never been spoiled, and is so afraid of everything new, including me... While I know not to take her refusals to let me into her heart personally, it has hurt.... deeply.

Somehow I think the Lord knew I was needing some reassurance that I truly did do the right thing in bringing her home and that I could help her learn to feel safe, enjoy being in a family and attach to us. Last night, after getting EXTREMELY put out with me for trying to wear her while we played, instead of rocking and banging so violently in the padded playpen in my room, she insisted on getting in bed with me! She cuddled and actually was patting my head and arm as she went to sleep sucking her thumb. It was just what I had been dreaming of happening and had begun to resign myself to never having it happen for a long time... I was in HEAVEN!!! She snuggled all night, only thumped her leg a few times and woke a happy smiling little girl. Her little chunky monkey hugs are the best! They are definitely cool water for this mom's dehydrated soul!

I know this is definitely not meaning that our struggles with attachment are over, by any means, but it sure does help me feel better in knowing that the 2 weeks we have off for Christmas will be able to be spent at home TOGETHER just hanging out and enjoying each other!! I cannot imagine a better Christmas! She is such a happy and engaging little one. We all just love being with her and playing with her. It will take lots of time and loads of work for her to learn to trust me to keep her safe and for her to fully understand that she will always be a part of our family, but at least I can finally see and believe that we CAN do this together in our not so little family of FOUR!!!