Prayer request....

My step mother is experiencing some of life's less enjoyable trials with alzheimer's. She has had a very difficult morning today and usually morning time is her best time of the day.... My heart absolutely breaks for her as she struggles to understand what is happening to her and what to do each moment. Please keep both her and my father in your prayers. He loves her deeply and is trying to to everything he can to keep her comfortable. It is very anxiety provoking when a person struggles so to know that those around them love them enough to keep them safe.....

Again, the simple knowledge of being safe and loved is such a blessing!

My prayers today are definitely for all those who cannot fully know and feel the love of their family, for whatever reason.

Amazing gifts!

Recently, in the past two weeks, SeraYangYang has been much more accepting of affection and will seek out being held by me when she is happy and in a playful mood and somewhat when she is tired and ready to sleep. She has cuddled next to me while sucking her thumb, but pulled away when I would try to hold her close like a baby. This has been hard on me, since my sweet Andy has always been so willing to cuddle and snuggle with me and has always come to me when he has needed comfort. Sera has been so much less willing to trust that I really do want to comfort her and will always keep her safe when she is most vulnerable. When she has been tired and ready to sleep has been a time that she has pushed me away the most.

Last night.... my little darling initiated me cuddling, holding her and massaging her when she was tired! She played kissing games with me and made such amazing eye contact! She actually fell asleep in my arms while sucking her thumb and rubbing my neck with her fingers!! She is finally MY sweet little baby and she trusted me!! There is no more precious gift!!

I do know that there will continue to be moments that she doesn't trust and continues to feel like she has to take care of herself, but at least she is going to let me in once in a while and I know it just will get better and better over time.

She is just amazing me! With all she has been through. All the rejection and neglect she experienced in her SWI, having wonderful people care for her and love her in Changchun, then being taken from them to returned to the place who did not like her ( due to that extreme neglect they had also labeled and considered her extremely disabled enough for the CCAA to consider again to be adoptable if her file was returned) AND then being given to this funny looking white lady who did not smell like China at all, who then carted her through hotels, scary police stations and very long airplane rides to a place where everything sounds different, smells different and IS so very different..... Her resilience and survival abilities far surpass mine! I was so EXTREMELY drained after just two weeks of "crazy" changes in life while in China trying to bring her home...... I wasn't sure if I was ever going to feel like myself again and I experienced such a small amount of what she has lived with her entire little life...

I know she greatly misses Changchun. She looks at her photos of the staff and children there often and babbles to me about them happily. Life was good for her there! No wonder she was rocking and banging so hard when we first got her. She had just lost everything she loved and felt loved by....

I do have to admit that she has thoroughly enjoyed some of the changes she has had in her life while coming here, though.

I know that some families have experienced negative questions and comments about their children who have facial or other visible differences. Thankfully, we have NOT. Not at all. Our little town is either very accepting or Sera is just very adept at using her winning little smile to make them forget that she looks a bit different. I truly think that everyone who meets Sera sees her differences, but they remember her smile and dimples and pure glee! She loves being out in public and waving and talking to everyone she sees. She has the princess wave down pat and rides along in her shopping cart greeting her adoring public. There have been ZERO nasty stares and rude comments made. Some children have looked her over carefully, but when she smiles at them , they immediately smile back. I know she has brought smiles to many faces this shopping season who were not feeling so cheery while shopping.

She brings so much happiness and gleeful joy to our family every day as she is so excited and full of glee every time we pull into the driveway to come home, set the table for dinner, put food on the table ( no matter what kind!), look at any kind of books together, play games with any old toys, fold clean clothing and put them in her drawers, take her out of her bath and put lotion on her, praise her for having kept her pull up dry and being a big girl in the bathroom, give her a clean pullup, help her dress in clean clothing, put her hair up with bows and most especially when we hug her and kiss her.

My kids see how happy she is with the little things in life. We all see how happy she is with the things I often just took for granted and never really counted as blessings. Clean clothing, food on the table on a regular basis, a warm safe place to sleep, knowledge that we are safe and loved etc.. were just necessities of life, not pleasureful..... until our little Sera YangYang made sure that we learned to appreciate more than the trinkets which come under the Christmas tree!

She truly has brought many gifts of the best and most important things in life to our family and those around her. We are all better people now, because of her.....She, herself, is an absolutely amazing little gift of HIS pure love and joy!

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Merry Christmas!

Our Christmas eve has been spent putting up our little Christmas tree.... which I haven't had time to do before today!! Usually we put it up right after Thanksgiving, but this year has been a bit different :-) School has kept us very busy once I got to feeling better and trying to play catch up has been the name of the game. I am so behind on so many things, but Santa will come tomorrow and we will have the next 2 weeks off from school, so I will get caught up. I hope!!

We went and saw Santa today also and made sure he knows what the kids want. Andy is wanting a Smart Cycle and Lincoln logs, Aubri wants an American Girl doll and a DS game and Sera wants Dora :-) Sera was so excited to wear her Christmas clothes and made sure I put as many bows in her hair as possible. It was so cute when she showed Santa her hair and smiled and nodded at him to show him she approved :-) She did not want to sit in his lap, but was quite happy to sit on the bench while Aubri held her. Andy was so excited he could not sit still for anything. He was literally bouncing around! Santa had to hang on to him! This year he understands that Santa brings the presents to celebrate Jesus's birthday. Last year he thought that Santa's name was Christmas and really had no clue why there were presents! :) I know that is how Sera is seeing it this year. She loves the sparkles and lights, but has to be wondering what they are all for and why we had to sit with another grandpa in a red suit. She called Santa, da ye ye... or big grandpa. She waved good by to him and blew him a kiss. It was very cute! I bought photos, but at this late moment, I haven't got them scanned in...

I am letting the kids get their Christmas pj's on and then we are decorating cookies for Santa. Then we are going to go read the Christmas story and the little ones put to bed. Then Aubri is going to watch them while I go make sure the Santa gifts get put where they can be found easily in the am. Aubri has been such a good helper. I know Santa will remember how much she has grown up this year.... I hope he doesn't get as teary as I do when I stop to think about how excited she was for Santa to come when she was 3... It really was just yesterday...

It could not be a nicer evening! It has already been filled with Andy's bouncing around and giggles of glee, Sera's singing and exploring everything that is not tied down and Aubri trying so hard to get them to both calm down to get ready to get the cookies done! I think I am needed again! ( Sera has put on one of Aubri's shirts as a skirt and it is stuck !)

We hope that this season finds you enjoying health, happiness and love!

Merry Christmas!!

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JungoDa JungoDa!

A few days ago I asked my friend Arina to help me learn how to say "dirty" so that when YangYang insists on eating things she has dropped on the floor or keeping her dirty clothes in her drawers, I can explain why I am asking her to give them up.... She seems to be afraid that she won't get anything again.... Very sad, but it is just something she will have to learn in time. She laughs and giggles each morning when I give her clean clothes and is so excited to get dressed every day, so I think she will eventually learn that we always have clean clothing and that lollipops can be replaced!

In any case it sounds something like " zong", with the tone high at the end, like ringing a gong. I was trying to be funny with YangYang because her pullup was wet and started singing "YangYang zhang, YangYang zhang" to the tune of Jingle bells.

She stared at me in absolute horror and I was sure I said something horribly wrong! How on earth would I figure out what I had said?!!

She then loudly said and then sang to me, perfectly in tune with what I had just sung, "No, Nonnie, JungoDa., JungoDa, Jungo,Jungo Da!" ( This is her best ability to pronounce JingleBells, which she evidently has already learned to sing with us!)

Duh, silly Mommie!! I was singing the WRONG words!

It did sound very Chinese, but was definitely a great attempt at English! Who knows what it means in Chinese!! She is also humming to Silent Night in perfect pitch with what we are singing! I will bet that I hear a Chinese sounding version of that SOON!

Yep..... that MR piece is really holding her back!!

NOT!!

Comic Stress Relief!

Sera is a master and imitating facial expressions! She is constantly making funny faces and making everyone around her smile! She has the uncanniest ability to mimic whatever facial expression she sees and her eyebrows are so expressive. She loves to raise them and make her face extremely animated and see how people respond. Of course it is with a smile and she eats it up!! She has truly helped us cope with the stresses of work, school, chores and trying to get everything done before Christmas will her absolutely amazing attitude!!

This past weekend, a trip to the mall was quite the experience. We just wanted to run in quickly to one store, and little Sera had other ideas once she found a very captive audience to all smile and laugh at her cuteness! She even had the security guards smiling and waving at her! I am sure that those who were smiling at her noticed her facial deformity, but her smile and pure delight in her laugh were what they remembered! Such a HUGE difference from what we experienced in China!!

She has decided that she LOVES Aubri's fancy scrunchies that she wears on her ponytail and has insisted both Saturday and Sunday that we put her hair up in a spout and put one on her too! She doesn't want to wear her little hat over them while out in the cold, however, since she constantly checks on it and looks at herself in every mirror possible and makes the biggest smiles at herself. She can also make the loudest screams of protest when it is covered with her hat! SO... today I got out a Christmas present of a hat with multicolored pom poms on it, kind of like a jesters hat. She has decided that that is even more fancy and has worn it all afternoon, over her fancy scrunchie! She also added a pair of Aubri's panties to the decor! Of course we laughed and she has enjoyed being our little bag lady! I would post a photo, but Aubri doesn't want her underwear posted :-) Imagine that!

I also have to sit back tonight and laugh at the "update" sent by the CCAA in August 06 when the families before me had requested on on my sweet and funny little girl. If she is MR, I need to get a new job, because she has not only acquired many English words, can count out sets of forks to pass out at dinner to match the number of people eating, but she also knows how to make chicken noodle soup! ( Sad, but we have had Campbell's chicken noodle a few times... ) She will try to help and will go get the can opener, and is very good at letting me know that the microwave is done, by already being in her seat, putting he own bib on and yelling " FINISHED" while pointing at the microwave! She is so in love with her clothing that she is able to sort pants and shirts and SHOW me which drawer to open for her to put them in, while happily chanting " Yang Yang yi fu!!" That "MR" dx is really holding her back soo much! HA!! I truly am a bit worried about what that Dr thought a child her age should be able to do after the neglect she experienced in that SWI... Especially since her reported "cerebral hemiplegia" allows her to eat ambidextrously without making a mess at all! Her toddling walk has quickly progressed this past month to a pretty balanced run, especially when she is gleeful that she will be chased! I so hope that he hears someday just what skills this little one with "MR" has caught up with and can do now!

Right now, I have three "nekkid" kiddos happily running down to the hall to go take a shower!
This house may be busy and always something new going on, but the laughter and giggles are so much a part of every activity that it all makes it so much easier!

Comic relief is the absolute best stress relief!!!

Immense grattitude

I work at the best school in the US of A, which pretty much makes it the best on the planet!

Our K-2 classes tonight did a program about a Martian Christmas, and it was priceless. I have photos, but once again, I cannot find the cable. ( I think I have a cable boggart, as Aubri would say!) Andy wanted to wear his Chinese clothing, because " I am an Earthling, Mommie, and Chinese people live on the Earth!" He is learning so much!! He is learning academics and good values too. His teachers are his idols and her is always coming home telling me new things he has learned, but I was very surprised to hear him say this and understand that his China is on the same planet earth as we are here. It fills my heart with joy to know that he is once again proud to be Chinese and American! He has come such a long way this past year and a half. He is happy, loves to learn and wants to be making good choices. He will help make the world a better place, as will the other kids he is learning with! I could not ask for anything more! I think those Martians would agree that our school is the BEST!

Before the program, however, the staff threw Sera a "baby" shower and spoiled her with all of her favorite things. Yes... absolutely beautiful clothes, necessities and a Dora doll! She is so excited about having things that belong to her! She loves clothes! She was so thrilled to open the packages! I was so worried about it overwhelming her, but this child loved being the center of attention! I know many in the adoption world would will be a bit critical about my having let her attend and participate with all the over stimulation, but it was so wonderful to see her bask in the positive attention! She was so truly happy!

She is also going to be the best dressed little girl in town, too! She went to bed tonight with her doll and 4 of her shirts... That is what she insisted on after coming home from the program really frustrated that she couldn't stay there and run around all night. This child absolutely loved the gym and all the noise and that she could run from us and we would chase her so that we didn't lose her!! I spoiled it all by insisting that we go home and get ready for bed... She was totally exhausted and once she crawled in the bed next to Aubri, she was OUT!! She held the shirts in her arms like a snuggle blanket and while sucking her thumb and holding the doll. She did not bang around to go to sleep! Now, I do know that she may wake and have a difficult night with all the stimulation today, but seeing her lying there so content was extra special and worth all the slaps she gave me while bringing her home from the program and any crying she might do tonight!

At the baby shower, Andy was trying very hard to be helpful and Aubri was so very proud of her little sister and being able to share her with the teachers there. She told me, "Mom, Sera is worth more than her weight in gold isn't she?" I had to agree! I also think they all are worth so much more than their weight in gold! I am so blessed with super kids!!

I was also so gigantically overwhelmed ( in a POSITIVE way, NOT at all like with all the trouble in China) at how wonderful the staff in my school are.... Not only did they spoil Sera and treat her like the true little princess she is.... they spoiled me too... ( * as I type there are tears streaming down my face...) They bought me a new I Pod.... I had really felt pretty stupid having lost mine, especially since I lost it with those dratted passports and visas. It had been a gift from my dad and being the geek that I am, I had really enjoyed it. Even though really did miss it and grieve its loss, I knew in my heart that with the help of all the lessons put in my path and prayers being said while we were there, I truly had brought home the most important things. I have truly been so grateful for my US citizenship and that the Lord was with us in helping us get the Visas and coming home safely, that it helped me put into perspective what are truly the most important things... I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I desperately need need these amazing little people in my life and can easily do without whatever comes along in life, as long as they are safe and sound. But....... just knowing that these wonderful people cared about me, ME........, a nobody, who makes crazy and goofy mistakes daily and can never get everything done that needs to be done and who is totally new to their school, enough to help me unwind at the end of the day this way is WAY more than I can wrap my mind around right now. I am so completely and deeply touched!!

I can honestly say that this journey to Sera has brought more amazingly wonderful people into my life than I could have ever imagined! So many people have prayed for her, helped with financial aspects of adopting her, been wonderful support for my dad, listening ears for me, cheerleaders for Sera, advocates for her medical care, supports for my children as they adjust to new roles in the family, etc.. I cannot begin to express the absolute gut felt, immense gratitude I feel for each and every one!

So right now, I may just write THANK YOU to each and every one of you! Please know, however, that it is MUCH, MUCH MORE than that!!

Ice and underwear and peaceful SLEEP!

We have been home on "snow days" for the past two days due to a big ice storm which knocked out power all over town. We were lucky and have had power today, but Sera's daycare and our school did not.

It has been really nice to have these 2 days home with Sera, with absolutely nothing on the agenda that I "needed" to do AND when I have felt like myself, not a wet noodle....I wish I could have had more of those kinds of days when we first came home and that I did not have to go back to work to support us, but we really enjoyed these two days together! We hung out and relaxed, made cookies, blew bubbles, painted nails, played with stickers, danced around the house and even got some chores caught up!

Sera YangYang was thrilled to help me sort out her laundry and put it all away! She absolutely loves clothes! So much so ,that when she found a pair of Aubri's ruffle panties she wore when she was just a year old, she HAD to wear them! She pranced and danced all over in them and was so excited! She looked so cute that I just had to share a photo.... She stayed perfectly dry in them and asked several times to go to the bathroom. Much more so then when she has been in pullups! She wanted to keep them dry! After running around in her skivvies, she then must have been a bit cold, because she then piled on layer after layer.... the house was 70 degrees and she was soon sweating, but enjoying being a litlle clown. She is just too funny! Aubri and Andy were so happy to be playing with us and really enjoyed her too!

I have honestly been a bit, OK well... ALOT worried about how she has resisted being close to me any other time than when I have fed her, bathed her, dressed her or put lotion on her. She has been very sweet at these times, but when I try to pick her up and cuddle her just because... it absolutely infuriates her! She can be so independent does not want any help unless it is something she just cannot begin to do herself.... It is cute, but really worried me that she could not relax and let me help her.... She did not trust that I would, I guess. The struggles with Andy being aggressive to Aubri have dimmed so much that they truly are a distant memory and he always was wiling to snuggle with me.... "His needs were so different. He was sooo spoiled and initially wanted to return to be spoiled. Sera has never been spoiled, and is so afraid of everything new, including me... While I know not to take her refusals to let me into her heart personally, it has hurt.... deeply.

Somehow I think the Lord knew I was needing some reassurance that I truly did do the right thing in bringing her home and that I could help her learn to feel safe, enjoy being in a family and attach to us. Last night, after getting EXTREMELY put out with me for trying to wear her while we played, instead of rocking and banging so violently in the padded playpen in my room, she insisted on getting in bed with me! She cuddled and actually was patting my head and arm as she went to sleep sucking her thumb. It was just what I had been dreaming of happening and had begun to resign myself to never having it happen for a long time... I was in HEAVEN!!! She snuggled all night, only thumped her leg a few times and woke a happy smiling little girl. Her little chunky monkey hugs are the best! They are definitely cool water for this mom's dehydrated soul!

I know this is definitely not meaning that our struggles with attachment are over, by any means, but it sure does help me feel better in knowing that the 2 weeks we have off for Christmas will be able to be spent at home TOGETHER just hanging out and enjoying each other!! I cannot imagine a better Christmas! She is such a happy and engaging little one. We all just love being with her and playing with her. It will take lots of time and loads of work for her to learn to trust me to keep her safe and for her to fully understand that she will always be a part of our family, but at least I can finally see and believe that we CAN do this together in our not so little family of FOUR!!!

1 month ....

It is hard to believe that one month ago today, on November 10th, I had known my sweet little Sera for only a day! It is also hard to believe all that followed with the passports, visas etc.. and that it is all resovled and we are home. The last month truly does feel like a big blur and that it must have been a crazy dream, but then I look at this new smiling, happy little face in my house and know that it was all WORTH every bit of the trouble!!

At first, she hated me completely and totally and would only let me touch her to wipe her bottom or take her out of the tub and dry her off. She did know I was her new mommie and she wanted none of that! Any other time I picked her up, she slapped me silly and tried to gouge my eyes out.... Well, unless she wanted to eat breakfast.... Then she was OK with eating all my food and hers! :-) Aubri was much more appealing and was even the same size as most of her caregivers. She loved her sister and wanted that HUGE white momie to go away! A month truly can change a lot!

In this past month, she has learned to come to me with smiles and kisses for no reason other than to receive them back. My first kiss was due to her copying Andy and then she decided that I might be worthy of one when I gave her good food or put her in clothes she liked. Then I guess she decided it was OK anytime. I love each and every one!!!

I will not say that we are really "bonded" though because she still prefers to go to sleep on her own and hates to be cuddled when she is tired. She will cuddle when it is on her terms and she is awake, but if she is tired, she only wants her thumb and to quite violently rock and bang herself into sleep. It is very sad to watch and even harder to take when she pushes any attempt to soothe her away. It is NOT soothing to her.... It will take time, lots of time and love.

On the up side however, she loves to go to daycare, loves to have Aubri bring her to my classroom and will giggle and laugh EVERY time we come home! She seems thrilled that we come home to the same place every night. I truly can't blame her and coming home makes me want to cheer and smile each night too! Hotels are nice, but HOME is best!

She loves to play with her sister and brother and will happily join in whatever they are doing. She is a pretty mellow kid and is generally quite happy and able to amuse herself easily with whatever toys ( or bottles and plastic wrappers) she encounters. She also loves to cart around a purse filled with cars she keeps taking from her brother and delights in making him upset that she has them! It truly is his " just dessert" so to speak, because he does the same thing to Aubri!

Food continues to be an issue. She LOVES it! She no longer screams when we eat the food off our plates and do no feed her every bite she sees, but she will quickly steal her siblings food if they leave it unattended for a second! She must have any apple that she sees and they have to be out of sight unless I am OK with her having it. She literally would eat 3 or more in a sitting if she saw them. I truly do know this because she did! I was sick and went to lie down for just w few minutes and Aubri watched her for me. She thought apples were good for her so she just kept letting her eat...Thank goodness I got up, because we had a whole bag of them! She initially would not not tell me she is hungry in any way, other than to point at food and grunt and scream if it was not given to her. She may have been saying something in Chinese, but I could not decipher it. She has started signing please after she points and will laugh and laugh when it is given to her. She is very lpleased with her self for being able to have some power and get what she asks for! ( See I really do have to keep food out of sight!) She tries to say eat please, and it comes out like "eeta peeza". Just precious!

She is trying to imitate words she hears and really delights in it. She is a very good little mimic and can copy mannerisms perfectly! She doesn't hear all the sounds or cannot say them, but she really is quite clear in most everything she tries to say. She uses English words/ attempts for doggie, Bella, go , bye bye, hello, eat, please, no, car, school, Andy, Mommie, uh oh, wow, good girl, good job, potty, shoes, apple, drink, and sometimes Aubri. She still prefers to call Aubri, jie jie. Aubri likes that so it may stick at home. She tries to copy words at daycare too and her daycare provided says that she is very easy going, but very curious and eager to learn. I can believe that!

Walking is soooo much better!! She walks with a narrower stance now and much less like a toddler just learning to walk. We have her walk everywhere, and she loves it! She is rarely carried and it has helped immensely with her balance. She is almost able to go up our garage steps on her own without putting her hand down on the stair as she puts her foot there.

We have her one month post placement report done next Saturday. The social worker is new to the agency and I have never met her before.

Thankfully I am starting to finally feel more like myself and have some energy to clean up the house a little bit. These kids sure can make messes quick! I am finding myself very surprised though, that the laundry is trying to overtake me. I thought I had a godd routine planned, but it is not cutting it! Maybe it isn't really just the addition of one more person though, because we are now wearing all winter clothes and they are so bulky. New routines are in order if I am going to be able to keep up!

I am hoping to try to catch up some tomorrow, but I am not going to hold my breath, since we may be without power. The ice storms are coming in fast and heavy and we have no school tomorrow because of the ice accumulations everywhere and because it will still be icing all day tomorrow. That is nice to have a day off work, if I can get something done, but if my washer won't work because we have no power again...... I will be unhappy.

As you can see from the photos above, Sera, or YangYang as we call her at home, is a camera ham just like her siblings. She is just too funny! Since I have been a bit under the weather and just trying to keep my head above water.. I haven't taken too many pictures. I need to take more photos, because soon, probably late January or early February that sweet face will look different. Shriners is going to take her and I know they will do a good job. I will miss this face though!! I will not miss having to clean her eyes and her lip, though, because she gets MAD at me every time... This sweetie can get "goupy" so quick!! I know she will be much happier to not have Mommie always coming at her with a baby wipe!

I did manage to get photos taken for a Christmas card and got them ordered on Saturday. ( No this photo is not one of the card photos) I am praying they get here in time to send out and have delivered by Christmas. IF not, though, I guess most people will understand.

It is 1 am and we still have power, so I am going to quit pushing my luck and put one more load of laundry in and hit the hay!

I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday, wintery and icy weather!! While I don't like the power being out, I love it! It is just beautiful!

Hockey again- Sera's first game!

Well... my kids convinced me to take them to the local hockey game this past Saturday. Andy loves the games because he can blow a horn and be as loud as he wants AND gets to skate around after the game on many different players' shoulders. He has a blast! Since he had been really trying to help and Aubri also really wanted to go... off we went! Yes.. I was sick but since when has that stopped kids from wanting to have fun?

Did I get photos of Aubri or Andy? Nope... little miss Sera YangYang was running around like a mad woman! She is getting so much better at walking and LOVES it! I was absolutely worn out trying to keep up with her! She even kept trying to run out on the ice while the kids were out skating and a real sweetheart of a player decided to oblige her and took her out to skate in his arms. My kids all had an absolute blast!

BTW....Andy has decided, however, after seeing one of his favorite players get in a fight and banged up a bit that he does not want to be a "skating guy " and get hurt! He really doesn't like it when they are pushed up against the wall and pushed from the back with the sticks and worries that this would hurt their "bottoms"! He does however still want to see all his favorite hockey players and tell them that they should not fight! Hmmmm.... I wonder what the coaches would think of that, since they are the ones telling them to fight! I haven't figured out how to explain this piece to him at all so am just going to go with his thoughts... "They are big guys and should know better!" They make much more sense!

Yes... we came home and Aubri, Sera and I were sick Sunday and Monday. We saw our wonderful Dr, who saw us all at once, and Sera and Aubri just have a cold and needed decongestants. I will eventually have a voice back and be feeling better after a round of antibiotic.... Oh well, there is the fact that I WILL eventually feel better!! I really would like Sera to know her mommie when she actually feels like a human being! :-) I truly cannot imagine what she thinks about me, even though she has been so sweet, happy and endearing! At some point maybe we will find out!!

Even feeling tired and not so spiffy and pretty clueless how to answer Andy's questions, I could not be happier!! Hockey ( allowable noise and chaos) and kids still = a good mix for family fun!

Two weeks.... and what a difference they make!

We have now been home almost two weeks. It will be two weeks at 4 am Monday morning, to be literal, but the time has really made a difference for all of us!

While I returned ill, and have pretty much stayed that way with a newly acquired virus from having been in a doctor's office last week, the kids have all really worked their roles out so smoothly! And so much more quickly than I would have ever dreamed possible! I have just tried to keep my head above water, enery wise with continuing to still be sick and needing to go back to work and really did not expect much else to change for the better, just that we would get through these first few weeks until Christmas break and then maybe see some improvements. Andy was still having huge issues with Aubri 6 months after coming home and I really was prepared for a rough road for several months. I had been so worried about how Andy would handle being the big brother and not longer the "baby". I had worried that Aubri would also collapse with exhaustion, since she was such a help on the trip and went through all the "no sleep" days and nights that I had. I worried that she would be harder on Andy and prefer her sister....

I am really having to come to terms that my worrying is either a total waste of time or that if I really worry about it, it will not happen and the totally unexpected is what will happen and that worrying is the best preventative measure... I can't decided which it is though...

Andy has really stepped up to the plate of being a big brother. He is very gentle and caring for his sister and very willing to share with her. He enjoys helping her and seems to feel important in his new role. He has been clingy on occasion and wanted extra assurance that I love him, but it has lessened over the two weeks and he is not always wanting to hold my hand! I didn't mind it a bit, because I had really missed that little hand in mine and his sweet cuddles!

Aubri went back to school and is handling her new role just wonderfully. She is still a bit tired and will still fall asleep quickly when in a moving vehicle and bedtime is not a problem at all, but she is not grouchy or irritable with me or her siblings, beyond the usual complaints that I made her get up too early :-) She goes across the street to get Sera each day for me and brings her back to school at 3:30. She is so responsible now. She has even volunteered for diaper duty, bathed Sera and dressed her. She is a wonderful helper! I am also very proud of her for working so hard to try to keep up with school. She has had a long standing struggle with wanting to read independently for fun and she read a 13 pt book for her Accellerated Reader goal on her own and was even excited about the story and eager to read the next. She even got a 100% on her test, which she was all SMILES about! So was I!

Now to the child I know most of you are most eager to hear about.... Sera YangYang, my most recent miracle baby! She is just the most amazing little person! She absolutely hated me while in China.... which was often very hard to take, but I knew in my heart that it would pass. Well... pass it has! She even come up for absolutely no reason last night and kissed me and hugged me! I have been getting lots of kisses and hugs, but generally when Andy kisses me or I have given her something to eat or dressed her in clothes she really likes.

She is babbling and talking all the time and says many things very clearly. She loves apples and has learned that if she points at them and then says "yummy", she gets an apple. Once I give it to her and tell her what it is, she will say "apple". She says car, more, go, bye bye ( dye dye), Andy , GeGe, JieJie, Mommiea, doggie, potty, yuck, no and many more things in Chinese I do not always catch. She thrills to be able to point to something to request it and receive it.

She also really seems to love that we have a routine in the house and she knows what is happening next! The last few weeks for her have to have been awful, with all the hotels, police stations, consulate appts etc... yesterday she loved getting up and getting dressed in the morning and put her own shoes on and her coat on after just 4 days of doing it!! She came home and immediately took it off and hung it up and took her shoes of and went to go sit at the table while laughing all the while! She has figured out bedtime and is no longer crying when we put her down at 8, when Andy goes to bed. She wanted to stay up with Aubri and I.... Thursday and Friday nights were so much better! She laughed when I got her bathed and in her PJ's and snuggled right up with her wawa's when I put their music on. She did not cry the first day I left her at daycare, Tuesday, and just stared at me blankly, which broke my heart.... She cried when Aubri went to get her and did not want to leave with her. BUT Wednesday, she fussed at me when I took her to daycare, which is right across the street from my classroom and I can see her outside playing. She then was all giggles when Aubri went to go get her and ran to me when she came in the classroom and gave me a big hug! Every day since has been similar and she has been such a happy girl to see us again, but has also been a happy and good girl at daycare. I could not ask for a bigger blessing!!

We ran into our solutions for her medical care while out shopping for a school project for Aubri. Dr. Franz and I had discussed having her lip repaired here in town and sending her to Children's Mercy for the eye repair with the more specialized operating equipment available. We had also discussed Shriner's. She was worried about the costs I would incur with having to be off work and recommended that I try to do things locally to be able to be closer to home and not having to pay for travel etc.. I really thought that Shriners also used your insurance deductibles, just like any other hospital. ... Well I have found out that going to Michael's last Saturday was the day I was supposed to be there, because Sera now has a shriner sponsoring her and they say that they will help me not only with medical care costs, but also transportation to the hospital! It will end up being more cost effective for me to travel out of town and take the deduct days from work, because I will not be paying that huge insurance deductible! I know they have the best surgical options for her there and her eyes will be able to drain properly some day soon! Another blessing I could not have imagined would fall into place so quickly!!

Sera is now RUNNING down the halls and starting to go up stairs without help! Just last week she was falling when she walked down our long hall. She is so much sturdier on her feet! She still toddles some and walks with her legs a bit further apart than most 3 yr olds, but she is also balancing quite the little buddah belly while walking :-) I am sure this will thin out also, the more she is up and moving. right now her wardrobe is a bit limited though, since her tummy is too big for the jeans ore skirts I have in her size. ( When we saw the Dr last Tuesday, she is below the 5th percentile in height, BUT above the 50th in weight!) She is having to wear elastic waists and some of the 2T s with elastic are still too tight, even though the length of the 18 month pants is perfect! I have about a weeks worth of clothing for her for winter that will fit her and she is so thrilled with the new things I have brought out that we are going out shopping today to try to get her a few more things that will go around her! She loves to be girlie and frilly, so thankfully dresses are her best option. Believe it or not, she is too tubby for the overalls!! They make her look like a little bowling ball! I love her in the dresses with leggings though....She just looks so darn cute!

The abve photos were taken in my classroom after school. My kids really enjoy playing with my friend Deb's two kiddos and truly enjoy each other's company, as these photos show! Having little people around really spices up life!!!

Please keep up the prayers and know that they have been and continue to be GREATLY appreciated!!

Thanksgiving "plans"

This year, Thanksgiving did not go at all as I planned.... It reminded me so much of the quote I hear on TV lately, about if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans!

After recovering, or so I thought I was, from our visa ordeals in China I was planning on and very ready to post a long list of the things we are immensely grateful for and put up photos of my sweeties enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner. This trip really helped me put my values in place and remember what the most important things are and how lucky we are to have been able to come home on time..

I had felt lousy on Saturday, when we got to Beijing and had a sore throat and fever while coming home. I just attributed it to exhaustion and a cold or mild virus. I had lost my appetite completely and just attributed that to the exhaustion as well. I made it through a day at work on Tuesday and was really feeling jet lagged and under the weather, but I thought that was , again, just exhaustion. Wednesday evening, my mouth began to burn like I had just drunk sulphuric acid and burned off all the skin.... I then broke out in all kinds of blisters in my mouth and my gums started bleeding. I panicked and ran to the doctor. I had not eaten or drank much since Saturday and was also dehydrated.... Evidently the mouth sores Andy has on occasion are part of this virus I was not able to prevent myself from catching and because of all the stress I had been in, it hit me with the force of a tidal wave....

So the past few days, I have spent in bed sick, while my oldest daughter has really helped me care for my little ones. She has been amazing help! Sadly it also let me see how much she has grown up..... It is good, but sad for a mommie to see happen. She was my little baby just "yesterday".... Sera YangYang has been such a trooper and has been happy and playing with her siblings without any problems. She is so precious!!! My family and friends have all helped us out and my kids ate Thanksgiving dinner at at friend's home. My dad cooked my turkey and packaged it for the freezer and we will enjoy Thanksgiving dinner often in the upcoming month. I may not eat it too soon though, because these things are showing no signs of going away quickly... UGGH... At least I will be thinner for Christmas!!!

So... I must rewrite my list to the effect that I am even more extremely grateful for my health, which I usually enjoy, the health of my family, the love of my friends and family and the three best kiddos a mom could ever dream of having!! Originally I had planned to write almost the same things along with being very happy to have Visa's and never having needed to visit our very clean, efficient and orderly American Police station for anything other than my clearances AND even more importantly, for the many opportunities we have had to get to know so many WONDERFUL people this past month!

I guess my list truly is essentially the same, but with yet even more added appreciation. 'Odd how difficult circumstances make you see things even more clearly!!

And I thought on Monday that I could not be MORE grateful for what I have! HA!! I am no longer telling him my plans!! I will just do what he leads me to do and hopefully stop being a source of amusement.... :-)

Uh Oh........... did I just say what I "planned" to do!!!!!?

Home SWEET HOME!!

Wow, those words have never been more strongly and deeply felt in my heart!! It was so wonderful to get home and have familiar sounds and sights! It was so wonderful to no longer breathe that China air that had burned our nostrils and throats for the last two weeks! I honestly understand why people there often wear masks and have so many upper respiratory difficulties!! It would be torture not having clean air to breathe and needing to breathe that daily! Initially I did not feel to bothered by it, but as time went on it worsened and I craved fresh air. Inhaling a deep breath of the KC fresh air, where it had recently been raining was truly pure HEAVEN!! Even for badly infected sinuses!

Our flights are over!!! The longer one from Beijing to Newark was long, but Sera did sleep most of the way and was pretty OK with it all. The plane was big enough that we could stand up and walk around and the flight attendants kept her in good supply of snacks and juices. Security in Beijing was even OK. They actually assisted us getting on the plane! Every other China flight, we have been on our own and pushing through the crowds to get to our space without any help whatsoever.

When we got to Newark, Sera's paperwork went smoothly! We didn't even have to go to that big waiting room like we did last time and it was simply done while in the passport line. She is now a US citizen! No fanfare or hoopla, but still a US citizen. Until this trip, that has never meant quite as much to me. It was just something I took for granted. NEVER again! We have so many blessings here that we never even think about and often even grumble about! Yep... I can truly say that I was a "stupid American" and did not fully respect all that I have.... Maybe that is why all of this happened..... I will never know fully, but it certainly has opened my eyes and mind and made my heart EXTREMELY grateful!

Oh, I should mention that traveling with a temporary passport is "fun". NOT!! You are truly scrutinized at every checkpoint! I was exhausted when the new photo was taken and just as exhausted or more so going through security so it was pretty obvious that I was the tired and rally was the same loopy lady in the photo....but they really had to make sure and triple check!

Also, if you have ever had a passport issue, you will be physically searched at every checkpoint possible. Not fun when you have 3 backpacks, a screaming toddler, a stroller and a tried 9 yr old who does not understand that it is just precautionary and is afraid we would have to go sit in another police station!!! US security is thorough... very thorough.... I know it is a good thing, but I do not want to fly again!!

Sera was really put out with flying in a tiny airplane from Newark to KC. The plane was delayed and she was just fine settling in at the airport and was very indignant when I uprooted her AGAIN to get on another plane. She could not get comfortable in the seat and was kicking and screaming most of the way, while intermittently hitting at me, the stewardess and Aubri. She wanted the magazine and then would throw it and then want it again... Over and over... She was so tired and just wanted to go to bed somewhere, but not in that SEAT! There were two ladies on the plane who give seminars on adoption, the titles of their presentations are something like , Matters of the Heart and Because they Waited. I was handed a complimentary set of their DVD's and training manuals when we disembarked. They wrote on a business card that they knew just how challenging adopting an older child can be and wanted to support me. I was so sure at that point that everyone on the plane hated us.... Sera was so LOUD! I will look at them later, but haven't had time or energy today. Once again.. we were in the right place and connected with people who can help. that has happened so many times this trip that it just cannot be pure coincidence.

I truly believe that this little girl has and will continue to have a positive effect on many people throughout her life... Sera has many, many true living "angels" who have helped her come home in many different ways..... It is absolutely overwhelming to think of how many people are interested in her and have helped her. I am immeasurably grateful to all of you!!!!!

Deb and Rae were there waiting to pick us up. I was so happy to see them!! it was 1am! We discovered that one of my suitcases had broken, but the belts kept everything in, so all was well. I reported it and then was so HAPPY to leave!!!!

We started on home and I was starting to relax and finally believe we were headed home when an 8 pt buck jumped from the median and crashed into the truck on the left side. It caved in the door where Sera was sitting!! I could see it from the window as it hit. It was HUGE! Miraculously, it did not injure anyone and the truck was drivable! Sera was FINE!! She had big wide eyes and I am sure she wondered about US traffic at that point, but she didn't even whimper! Not good luck to have been hit,,,, but it came out much better than it could have.

We finally got home and fell into bed at 4 am. We slept until 1pm and then got up and went to school to see my Andy!! I was so happy to see him!! He has been such a good boy while I have been gone! I am so proud of him! We also went to the classroom and saw all the kids. It was really nice! I did get a phone call while there that I thought surely was a joke, from my consulting teacher about a potential new student. I found out it wasn't, but amazingly, after all of this, a new student and problem solving to find space, allocate time etc.. is nothing in comparison!! There is never a dull moment around here, but I am so glad that the moments are familiar and I know what to do to cope!!! NO Chinese police!!! Sera latched right on to Arina and was very happy to have someone to speak Chinese to her! Having Arina there, she was fine with all the faces popping in the room to take a peek at her. She also really latched on to Andy and seeing him with us really has appeared to help her. She even gave me a KISS tonight at Walmart after seeing Andy give me one!!

I wanted to get my driver's license renewed today but they aren't open on Mondays.... So the kids have dental appts tomorrow afternoon and I must get that license renewed!! ASAP! I do not want a ticket! I am going to work and Grandpa is taking the little people to the dentist. I am just a block away to help, if there is a problem ;-)

We came home, ate burritos for dinner and the kids took a bath and went to bed!! Everyone is sleeping peacefully right now and I am off to bed again myself. I will upload a few photos in the am if I can. I am too tired to walk out to try to find the cords right now :-)

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Last days in China!

I love the parks in China, even if we had a major disaster in one of them! So does Aubri. The Chinese people really do use them and appreciate them. They have beautiful parks and they are truly places to be enjoyed. We took these few photos in the park in Guangzhou. I will try to upload more, but cannot access the blog right now. Yes, that little one is learning to be potty trained, Chinese style! We saw this often and I just had to grab a shot to share! The mom didn't mind! She was very nice!

We are in Beijing getting ready to leave for HOME today!! Our wonderful guide Christina took us to a mall yesterday, after we arrived here so that Aubri could shop for the video game she was wanting, and had been saving her money for. Malls in China are so different than what we enjoy at home!! I was bumped and pushed so many times that there was no way to count! Too many people, not enough space!! I like to barter so I did enjoy walking away from the people screaming lower and lower prices for things I never intended to buy in the first place :-) It was cheap entertainment! I also picked Aubri up a pair of jeans, dirt cheap, which are much like jeans her beloved Maggie wears. I did not take my camera and I really wish I had . Most especially to capture the look on Aubri's face when she needed to try the jeans on behind a piece of cloth held by the salesgirls!!

We saw Maggie in the evening and she took Aubri out to dinner. A special dinner just for her. We truly do love Maggie. She and Christina and XiXi from our last trip have made the less pleasant parts of our journeys so much nicer. They truly are good people.

I was not feeling well last night. I think the exhaustion from this trip and the adrenaline needed to keep me going has run out. I am better this morning after a good nights sleep and started taking the antibiotic I brought. I will keep it up and hopefully be able to sleep some on the plane. Sera is good while riding, just not so happy when we board and disembark. She is a terror then... slapping at me the entire time! Oh, the stories we will have for her as she gets older ! :-) It scares her immensely not knowing where we are going.....

Sera YangYang is loving having Christina again. She truly does love her, since she did not care too much for the guides in GZ. She liked them, but she is very attached to Christina. It may just be that Christina has been with her more, but she has been so kind to her and helped her immensely with all the confusion. I believe Christina will be Sera's "Maggie" figure and a very good part of our memories in China.

I will try to upload a few more photos, but my next post on how Sera is doing will be from HOME!! I am so relieved to be able to say that!!!

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Wonderfully LAZY day!!!

Today we slept in until after 8 am!!! Or at least the kids did :-)

Sera decided this morning to drop her WaWa, or doll into the toilet and flush it.... I saved it and tried to boil it., but could not let her have it back. She was very unhappy, but finally settled for carrying her pink blanket around with her. I think she was trying to wash it? Or ? Who knows, but her little mind was turning! We now know the bathroom doors must stay closed at home!

We then had a leisurely breakfast down at the buffet and started to wander the island. We just walked and walked and enjoyed the park, the sculptures and the sights of the streets here on Shamian Island. It is a very European section and feels much like home, or at least much more so that the provinces we have been in. Beijing, Shamian and Shanghai seemed to be so much more familar modern and current.... The other places felt like a totally different world....

Aubri found a dragon puppet which she bought with the money sha had brought. She was so pleased with her purchase!! I have to admit that I think she made a very good choice. She loves puppets of any kind, most especially ones she can use for ventriloquism. This one has strings, but is very cool, none the less.

We window shopped mostly, thanks to the costs of our visas home. I did buy Sera a pair of shoes with little squeakers in the heels. She needed a pair that fit and these are adorable. She loves the sound she makes when she walks. I was hoping that this would to help motivate her to move around more. She prefers to just sit and not walk around too much. Her little buddah belly is proof of that! I was so pleased with my purchase, until Aubri asked me what Bella, our female standard poodle who loves squeaky toys, is going to do with Sera's shoes!! Oh NO!! I think these will have to be for when she is out and about and NOT for walking around the house! I can just see Bella trying to eat Sera's little feet!! NOT a good idea Mom..... Oh well!

I wanted to go into GZ to shop for just a few little things some people had asked me to get and just look around, but the guides were busy with the consulate paperwork and I was not brave enough to go out alone. I want to go home safely ,,,,,, I am a bit paranoid now, unfortunately. I will try to find what they want in Beijing when I have a guide with me who knows where to go and how to converse with the store owners. I am ok with using the calculator to barter, but am not OK being in a crowd with Sera and Aubri together. We attract a huge crowd. Some stare and touch Aubri wth curiosity and smiles, while others are curious about Sera. Then others are just plain nasty and very rude about staring at Sera......

So... we enjoyed the park here on Shamian Island quite a bit.

We had lunch at Lucy's and Aubri was thrilled to get a milk shake and grilled cheese sandwich! They even cut off the crusts!! Sera also liked hers!!

We came back to the room and took a good nap and then went to dinner with the other IAAP families. For some reason Sera refused to eat!! She sat and almost cried and started wildly rocking in her stroller. She would not get out of it to sit in a high chair. The guide came over at the end of the meal and convinced her to eat some. She perked up, but did not insist that the guide stay with her!

After dinner we walked to Starbucks with the Strakas. All the girls LOVED the chocolate Fappicinos! Sera included! Noelle sucked hers right down and did not let go of the cup until it was gone even though it made her little hands COLD! Sera loved having me use the straw to drop some in her mouth. She giggled and laughed more for me than she ever has!! It was a true blessing!! We will be going back there tomorrow. Starbucks truly worked it's magic!! We also found a bearista toy there which Sera latched onto as a WaWa! It was very soft, like her doll and was a black penguin bear!! I much prefer the black to the light pink which turns gray in this air!

After Starbucks, Aubri wanted to go back to the playground so she played on the exercise equipment and Sera YangYang just laughed and laughed at her!

We came back to the room and the girls took a bath. Bath time is generally one of the best times of the day and Sera usually undresses eagerly. Not tonight.... We discovered that Sera's crying and discomfort at the restaurant was because she had pooped her pants and she was very upset as I cleaned her up. She has not had an accident before this and has pointed to let me know that she needed to go.... I guess with all the chaos there she couldn't or I did n't see it. Poor baby, no wonder she was upset! The tub soon cheered her up!

Aubri is in bed with her now and just told me that Sera gave her a kiss!!

Life is good and we will be HOME soon!!!

Taiyuan to Guangzhou

Well, I am behind on posting. Sorry! I know that I really want to try to write it all when it happens so that I can remember... but maybe lately I haven't been wanting to remember ?

In any case we woke early on the 13th and started making some calls to find out about wheter or not the mapers we had were going to wrk to get us to GZ. When I called the consulate, of course they said that the papers needed photo ID! Duh..... I hate it when my kids say that but it this case there is no better response....

So, I had to call poor Christina once more, she did not get to sleep in at all..... We had to go back to the public Securities bureau in Taiyuan to get photos affixed to our temporary visa. This visa would only allow us to travel within China though.....

We hurrind back and checked out of the hotel to go to the airport. The fog from Shenyang and Changchun seemed to have followed us. Thankfully, our plane was just slightly delayed and we flew to GZ without too much difficulty. Sera happily munchied on her favorite suasage while we ascended and seemed to have no problems with flying. She slept most of the way. She did attract a lot of attention when she would intermittently rock herself in the seat.... I so hope this will diminish in time. She rocks herself so hard!

Getting off the plane in China stinks!! They just push and push and shove... It doesn't matter how little you are! We ended up waiting to be the last off the plane because Sera was walking. One man literally tripped over her!! Another family took their crying child to the bathroom and the older women just pushed and shoved in front of them. No regard to personal space or apparent respect for others..... It is very difficult for those of us from the American culture, where we are taught in kindergarten, to stay in line and respect personal space, to cope with this. I know that it is just a cultural difference and is not intended the way I have perceived it lately, but exhaustion has not put me in the best and most open frame of mind....

Our guide met us and explained the next day's activity. Mine of course was much different, due to needing to go to the consulate and get a new visa to be able to leave China. She ordered Papa John's pizza for us which was delivered as we dropped the Straka family off at the White Swan. It was heavenly! Sera loves pizza. She loved it immediately! I was kind of hoping there would be something she would need to adjust to in the food category, like Andy did when he refused to eat any cheese, but she was thrilled with it! I now have 3 pizza loving kids!! We will be making lots of homemade pizza at our house!

We rusehd to take visa photos before checking into the hotel to have them ready for the next day's activites....

It was so nice to see familiar faces as we checked into our room. It was supposed to have been a different room, and the room we have is smaller, but at this point I am complaint free for this piece. As long as we have a place to lie down and sleep and it is clean.... who cares how big the room is!! Barb Pentecost and her adorable little Joshua and niece Caitlin stopped in to see us and it was so good to hold a happy baby!! Little Joshua is just so precious! He really renewed my spirit, since my new little one truly despises my every touch. I know it will improve and I love her dearly, but little Joshua was definitely good medicine for me!

Wednesday morning we met out new guide, Judy, in the lobby at 7:40 and hurried to the business center to print some forms, off to do Sera's medical ( which went very smothly and she actually did not get upset at the Dr's at all..... just at me :-) ), and then off to the consulate. The lady I had talked to yesterday had all the forms ready for me and I had new passports in 30 minutes!!! So much more efficient!!! Then we had to go to the Publc Securities Bureau of Guangzhou. NOT so efficient....... We were told that they would not expedite and issue a visa by the time I flew out! they were going to lunch at 12 and would not even discuss it. My poor guide's face was quite blank and worried as we walked out, while Sera screamed and hit at me down 5 floors of escalators.... I got to the hotel and started making calls. The same lady at the consulate spoke to me and said that she would call and see what could be done. She called back several times asking questions about the tickets and told me what to show them. When we went back and the guide told the officer that the consulate had told me that they could do this and had spoken with someone there, the officer got very angry! He siad that was IMPOSSIBLE!! They do not have staff to waste time talking to the US consulate! BUT.... they did agree to do it! They charged me an arm and a leg though! Almost 2 times what it cost for the original one entry visa and I just wanted a zero entry visa to be able to leave the country!!!

So I came back to the hotel and sat in shock for a while, then decided we needed to eat. We went with Barb and her crew to the Cow and Bridge and had noodles and some egg dish, which Sera loved. We then went walking a bit and I bought Sera a pair of squeaky shoes for less than 3 US dollars. She LOVED them!! hopefully it will help motivate her to walk more and improve her strength. She has such a toddler walk!

We came back and the girls took baths and I took a shower and we fell into bed. Sera was happier and even snuggled with Aubri. Maybe my day will come!! Today we will have the day to just explore a bit. I hadn't taken many photos the past few days and wil try to see some things today. The street market will be interesting, hopefully. Don't worry! I will keep my valuables in the SAFE!!!