Aubri and I both put this one together. Guess who had to have one just like her big brother and sister? She is just amazing! She seems to understand so much and seeing this just tickled her! She is so happy! We just love her!
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| Make a scrapbook - it's easy! |
Aubri's birthday is the 29th and Andy's was yesterday, the 26th. They both decided to go do something fun together, rather than have a "party" at home or at someplace close by, like Mc D's or CiCi's. We don't have any really cool places for parties in our home town. So we drove to the big city and enjoyed a day of fun! The kids played mini golf in a cosmic golf course, played in an indoors amusement park, went to build a bear and then we all went to dinner! It was a very long day, but was loads of fun for all! I love spending time with these little people!!
Andy is learning to enjoy rides and really liked these! He was wound for sound all day. We could not move fast enough! What a boy!
Aubri loves roller coasters and the bigger the better! She is just like her mom! Sera is not far behind us! I was totally amazed at how she loved the rides and excitement! She stayed close to Aubri or I and wanted to be held often, but was a total little ham! She entertained many people there and left them smiling. She is just a little gem! The only times she was unhappy all day were when Aubri and Andy rode the bumper cars and when we were walking back to the car from build a bear. Of course she was mad about the bumper cars, because she truly is fearless and thinks she should do what ever Aubri does! After Build a Bear, she was so insistent on carrying her own bear. No one, NO ONE, could help her. She had to do it herself! It was a long walk and she was tired and NOT happy that there was not any magic available to make the car appear next to her. Finally she would let me carry her bear and let Aubri carry her, ONLY if I carried Aubri's, Andy's and her bear. She may be physically delayed, but she has some very strong determination!
I had really thought that TGIFriday would give the kids a cake for a birthday.... Poor Andy, he was so sad that they had ice cream, which he does not like at all! It was OK though, because we had so much fun otherwise and he will have cake without ice cream at school on Monday and again in the evening on Tuesday, where he and Aubri will have their own cakes!
I used Smile box to make a scrapbook for Andy, which I love, since it takes such litle time and time is such a precious commodity any more! Aubri made her own.... My baby really is growing up!!
I hope you enjoy the photos! The kids really had way too much fun!!
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| Make a scrapbook - it's easy! |
One step forward... one step forward...one big step forward... one small step back...... one step forward... one step back
- Definitely not predictable steps!!!
This attachment waltz is a very familiar dance here in our house, since Andy still dances it with me still after a year and a half of dancing. Trying to dance it with one of them and taking steps forward at the same time the other is taking one back is easier, believe it or not. When they both take a step back at the same time, I have been getting knocked off balance a bit.
But then again this past month has been a waltz of weather changes too... so maybe that has something to do with it all. It has just been absolutely crazy on the school and work front for a few weeks now!
Aubri is a preteen right now and hormones abound. She realizes it though and is asking lots of questions as to why she is so easily brought to tears lately and what these other changes are.... She is tackling it all bravely though and I am so very proud of her!
Andy has been struggling lately with his being so busy and talking non stop to maintain his seat as the center of attention here at home. I try to make sure that he always gets special time, but sometimes it is just not possible due to time constraints and he makes sure to let me know he needs it! He tries so hard, is such a wonderful helper, a super little hugger and is is such a good boy! He just has to be moving and talking and yelling to feel alive, I think! This doesn't do well for learning letters, letter sounds, numbers etc.... He tries so hard!! He just has to be moving and paying attention to everything else that it is just not taking a priority in his learning curve. He knows everyone in the school and is such a friendly little guy but really struggles with the "less important stuff". We are starting to do some Brain Gym exercises in the am before school, added a tiny bit more medication doing more brain gym in the afternoon and I am even working with him using the Sonday System to learn his letter sounds. He just really struggles with it immensely. While this is not a step back in attachment, he has started asking me again before he goes to bed if I still love him. It breaks my heart.... I don't know if this is because I have been trying harder to help him learn or because of Sera also getting my attention..... I just do not know. I know he will start to feel better about himself soon because he is such a smart little guy that we will eventually figure out the meds or activities he needs to help him sit to focus to learn . He wants so badly to know the answers and be able to show off to his sisters!!! I am so proud if him for trying so hard!!
Sera has been doing really well. She has been quite easy in fact, until just recently with a few minor setbacks. She had started to fit the "ideal/ perfect" adoption ( outside of being the left hook champ in China), which was scaring me a bit, because she has been too easy and way to happy and cooperative with everything.
Our night time rocking and banging had completely subsided and she has been happy to go to bed and cuddle. We discovered that she does this during the day now only when she is really frustrated, scared and angry. She has had very few incidents like that since coming home. She is such a cutie and loves to play the bedtime rituals or kissing and naming body parts saying prayers etc... I have no idea how she became so willing a participant, or why she now feels so comfortable snuggling up to me as she sleeps and wakes. She is the last child I put to bed, since she takes a good nap in the afternoon and is wired while the other 2 get ready for bed. She has been going to bed when I do and I have gone to bed earlier and just wake earlier to get my work done. She initiates cuddling and wants to drift off to sleep in my arms each night. I have no problem with that!!! It is my favorite time of the day! I really thought it would take much longer for her to even appear to be semi comfortable. I know she slept in a crib in Changchun, or at least I think she did. I almost wonder if she wasn't in foster care prior to her update photos and medical and was just shell shocked when taken back to the SWI? If not, she is extremely adaptable to do whatever needed to survive and has decided that imitating the other two kids is the best strategy now!
She wants me to help her now when she needs something and will cry for me when she is scared or unhappy with her brother or a dog, rather than just sitting and screaming and refusing to let me touch her or comfort her. She is reaching for me when we are with other people, but will go to them to greet them and continues to charm everyone we meet with her smile and laugh.
Bath time is her most terrifying time and we try to limit them to 3 a week. She absolutely HATES them! She will happily sit and play ,but when the water comes to wet her hair, she is MAD! We are trying all kinds of ways, but so far she hates them all! She loves the lotion after her bath though and quickly calms down. I wish I could figure out a better way.....
She has also gone from being highly demanding of eating everything in sight and loving every piece of clothing I gave her, to being much pickier and having big tantrums over not having what she wants on the table or given to her as a clothing choice. Boy, can she ever kick those feet! She drops to the floor and away they go! She wants to wear the frilliest clothing, and preferably to dress up costume at all times. She loves her bling bling and will wear rings and bracelets to daycare and still be wearing them at the end of the day. She has some definite preferences and that is great, but is not always what can happen.... I know it is her need to stay in control and try to give her choices that I think she might settle for, without giving her exactly what she wants.
For example, last night she insisted on wearing her new dress and tights we got for a family photo to bed! She screamed and screamed, banged on the closet and threw her little body on the floor and cried for 30 minutes plus. I was so tired, she was tired and it was definitely not the way I had hoped for bedtime to go. She finally settled for her PJs when Andy put his fleece PJ's on and Aubri went to put hers on and we started or bedtime routine without her. She had her PJ's in hand and brought them to me to help her put on, with many sniffles and very soon smiles and kisses.
Also, while we were out at Walmart this week, she had a bowel accident, due to medication most likely, since her sinuses are constantly infected. She NEVER has bowel accidents any more, and is so good about keeping herself clean. It upset her so much that she started rocking and moaning in the cart. She would not stop with any type of comfort and once we got home, she curled up and rocked herself to sleep, before she would allow me to clean her up. Once she had calmed herself to sleep, she was happy to be touched and comforted, but it truly felt that she had gone back in time somewhere, to a place touch was not comforting. It was just so sad. I couldn't sleep at all....
I know I am so blessed that our waltzing lately is just very TINY steps backward and much bigger steps forward. I know I hadn't posted for a while and had people asking how the adjustment was going, so I thought I would share.
Sadly this old mommie is having to come to terms lately that she is just not a very good dancer and has horribly bad balance at the end of the work day, both literally and figuratively! I am easily saddened lately at the trials my kids are facing, but so easily brought to a smile with their success! They say practice makes perfect though, and I cannot imagine better motivation than these sweeties!!
Also.... if anyone can join us in prayer for the much, much more difficult waltz my dad is doing with my step mom and the horrible alzheimer's which is stealing her mind.... please do!! Each day is so very difficult now. She is having such a difficult time. I feel so badly for her. My dad loves her so much and is so patient with each and every step. He is worlds ahead of me in patience.... At least I get to see the steps forward and enjoy the kids kisses, hugs and smiles with each success...I love and admire him immensely!
I cannot believe that 2007 is over!! It has been an amazing year for us! Just the recent changes in our lives from the start of school until now are HUGE! We have so many blessings in our lives in friends and family!
Little Sera has spent the last week or so being pretty sick, however, and we have been at several doctors visits and even an ER visit. She has really kept me busy! She has a pretty bad case of pneumonia. She had been on antibiotic and decongestant since coming home, due to her cough and congestion she had when we received her. It got worse, unfortunately and we have been housebound trying to help her get some rest and for different antibiotics to get to working in her little body. She is such a trooper and takes her medicine without complaint, but is really getting exhausted due to the short spurts of sleep she has been getting due to her coughing, as are we... Her rocking has come back full force with the frustration that seems to be overwhelming her right now. She has an amazing little "stomp" that she does when she lies down on the floor and stamps her feet on the ground. She will occasionally let me hold her and calm down when I rock her, so that is progress! Her fever is down now and it appears as f she is on the mend. We are going to stay quiet and stay inside still, however, since the weather is extremely cold and windy outside right now and she really struggles to breathe with cold air right now. Our living room with its fireplace is our favorite place to be right now.
Andy and Aubri have enjoyed having some days off from school and while they have struggled to get along at times, they have amazingly also become better friends and have really shown Sera enormous amounts of compassion. I am very proud of both of them. They are definitely kind and caring little people. They truly make me smile so many times each day as I see them "mothering" Sera and sharing with her.
We spent our New Years eve very quietly at home, just watching DVD's. I have three super kids! Amazingly, after being cooped up in the house for several days together and getting on each other's nerves ( and mine... ) a bit, they were are very cooperative and we enjoyed being with each other! It was the best way I can imagine to start the new year!
We hope that you will join us in enjoying the simple moments in the upcoming year together with family and friends! They are truly magical!
My step mother is experiencing some of life's less enjoyable trials with alzheimer's. She has had a very difficult morning today and usually morning time is her best time of the day.... My heart absolutely breaks for her as she struggles to understand what is happening to her and what to do each moment. Please keep both her and my father in your prayers. He loves her deeply and is trying to to everything he can to keep her comfortable. It is very anxiety provoking when a person struggles so to know that those around them love them enough to keep them safe.....
Again, the simple knowledge of being safe and loved is such a blessing!
My prayers today are definitely for all those who cannot fully know and feel the love of their family, for whatever reason.
Recently, in the past two weeks, SeraYangYang has been much more accepting of affection and will seek out being held by me when she is happy and in a playful mood and somewhat when she is tired and ready to sleep. She has cuddled next to me while sucking her thumb, but pulled away when I would try to hold her close like a baby. This has been hard on me, since my sweet Andy has always been so willing to cuddle and snuggle with me and has always come to me when he has needed comfort. Sera has been so much less willing to trust that I really do want to comfort her and will always keep her safe when she is most vulnerable. When she has been tired and ready to sleep has been a time that she has pushed me away the most.
Last night.... my little darling initiated me cuddling, holding her and massaging her when she was tired! She played kissing games with me and made such amazing eye contact! She actually fell asleep in my arms while sucking her thumb and rubbing my neck with her fingers!! She is finally MY sweet little baby and she trusted me!! There is no more precious gift!!
I do know that there will continue to be moments that she doesn't trust and continues to feel like she has to take care of herself, but at least she is going to let me in once in a while and I know it just will get better and better over time.
She is just amazing me! With all she has been through. All the rejection and neglect she experienced in her SWI, having wonderful people care for her and love her in Changchun, then being taken from them to returned to the place who did not like her ( due to that extreme neglect they had also labeled and considered her extremely disabled enough for the CCAA to consider again to be adoptable if her file was returned) AND then being given to this funny looking white lady who did not smell like China at all, who then carted her through hotels, scary police stations and very long airplane rides to a place where everything sounds different, smells different and IS so very different..... Her resilience and survival abilities far surpass mine! I was so EXTREMELY drained after just two weeks of "crazy" changes in life while in China trying to bring her home...... I wasn't sure if I was ever going to feel like myself again and I experienced such a small amount of what she has lived with her entire little life...
I know she greatly misses Changchun. She looks at her photos of the staff and children there often and babbles to me about them happily. Life was good for her there! No wonder she was rocking and banging so hard when we first got her. She had just lost everything she loved and felt loved by....
I do have to admit that she has thoroughly enjoyed some of the changes she has had in her life while coming here, though.
I know that some families have experienced negative questions and comments about their children who have facial or other visible differences. Thankfully, we have NOT. Not at all. Our little town is either very accepting or Sera is just very adept at using her winning little smile to make them forget that she looks a bit different. I truly think that everyone who meets Sera sees her differences, but they remember her smile and dimples and pure glee! She loves being out in public and waving and talking to everyone she sees. She has the princess wave down pat and rides along in her shopping cart greeting her adoring public. There have been ZERO nasty stares and rude comments made. Some children have looked her over carefully, but when she smiles at them , they immediately smile back. I know she has brought smiles to many faces this shopping season who were not feeling so cheery while shopping.
She brings so much happiness and gleeful joy to our family every day as she is so excited and full of glee every time we pull into the driveway to come home, set the table for dinner, put food on the table ( no matter what kind!), look at any kind of books together, play games with any old toys, fold clean clothing and put them in her drawers, take her out of her bath and put lotion on her, praise her for having kept her pull up dry and being a big girl in the bathroom, give her a clean pullup, help her dress in clean clothing, put her hair up with bows and most especially when we hug her and kiss her.
My kids see how happy she is with the little things in life. We all see how happy she is with the things I often just took for granted and never really counted as blessings. Clean clothing, food on the table on a regular basis, a warm safe place to sleep, knowledge that we are safe and loved etc.. were just necessities of life, not pleasureful..... until our little Sera YangYang made sure that we learned to appreciate more than the trinkets which come under the Christmas tree!
She truly has brought many gifts of the best and most important things in life to our family and those around her. We are all better people now, because of her.....She, herself, is an absolutely amazing little gift of HIS pure love and joy!
Our Christmas eve has been spent putting up our little Christmas tree.... which I haven't had time to do before today!! Usually we put it up right after Thanksgiving, but this year has been a bit different :-) School has kept us very busy once I got to feeling better and trying to play catch up has been the name of the game. I am so behind on so many things, but Santa will come tomorrow and we will have the next 2 weeks off from school, so I will get caught up. I hope!!
We went and saw Santa today also and made sure he knows what the kids want. Andy is wanting a Smart Cycle and Lincoln logs, Aubri wants an American Girl doll and a DS game and Sera wants Dora :-) Sera was so excited to wear her Christmas clothes and made sure I put as many bows in her hair as possible. It was so cute when she showed Santa her hair and smiled and nodded at him to show him she approved :-) She did not want to sit in his lap, but was quite happy to sit on the bench while Aubri held her. Andy was so excited he could not sit still for anything. He was literally bouncing around! Santa had to hang on to him! This year he understands that Santa brings the presents to celebrate Jesus's birthday. Last year he thought that Santa's name was Christmas and really had no clue why there were presents! :) I know that is how Sera is seeing it this year. She loves the sparkles and lights, but has to be wondering what they are all for and why we had to sit with another grandpa in a red suit. She called Santa, da ye ye... or big grandpa. She waved good by to him and blew him a kiss. It was very cute! I bought photos, but at this late moment, I haven't got them scanned in...
I am letting the kids get their Christmas pj's on and then we are decorating cookies for Santa. Then we are going to go read the Christmas story and the little ones put to bed. Then Aubri is going to watch them while I go make sure the Santa gifts get put where they can be found easily in the am. Aubri has been such a good helper. I know Santa will remember how much she has grown up this year.... I hope he doesn't get as teary as I do when I stop to think about how excited she was for Santa to come when she was 3... It really was just yesterday...
It could not be a nicer evening! It has already been filled with Andy's bouncing around and giggles of glee, Sera's singing and exploring everything that is not tied down and Aubri trying so hard to get them to both calm down to get ready to get the cookies done! I think I am needed again! ( Sera has put on one of Aubri's shirts as a skirt and it is stuck !)
We hope that this season finds you enjoying health, happiness and love!
Merry Christmas!!
A few days ago I asked my friend Arina to help me learn how to say "dirty" so that when YangYang insists on eating things she has dropped on the floor or keeping her dirty clothes in her drawers, I can explain why I am asking her to give them up.... She seems to be afraid that she won't get anything again.... Very sad, but it is just something she will have to learn in time. She laughs and giggles each morning when I give her clean clothes and is so excited to get dressed every day, so I think she will eventually learn that we always have clean clothing and that lollipops can be replaced!
In any case it sounds something like " zong", with the tone high at the end, like ringing a gong. I was trying to be funny with YangYang because her pullup was wet and started singing "YangYang zhang, YangYang zhang" to the tune of Jingle bells.
She stared at me in absolute horror and I was sure I said something horribly wrong! How on earth would I figure out what I had said?!!
She then loudly said and then sang to me, perfectly in tune with what I had just sung, "No, Nonnie, JungoDa., JungoDa, Jungo,Jungo Da!" ( This is her best ability to pronounce JingleBells, which she evidently has already learned to sing with us!)
Duh, silly Mommie!! I was singing the WRONG words!
It did sound very Chinese, but was definitely a great attempt at English! Who knows what it means in Chinese!! She is also humming to Silent Night in perfect pitch with what we are singing! I will bet that I hear a Chinese sounding version of that SOON!
Yep..... that MR piece is really holding her back!!
NOT!!
Sera is a master and imitating facial expressions! She is constantly making funny faces and making everyone around her smile! She has the uncanniest ability to mimic whatever facial expression she sees and her eyebrows are so expressive. She loves to raise them and make her face extremely animated and see how people respond. Of course it is with a smile and she eats it up!! She has truly helped us cope with the stresses of work, school, chores and trying to get everything done before Christmas will her absolutely amazing attitude!!
This past weekend, a trip to the mall was quite the experience. We just wanted to run in quickly to one store, and little Sera had other ideas once she found a very captive audience to all smile and laugh at her cuteness! She even had the security guards smiling and waving at her! I am sure that those who were smiling at her noticed her facial deformity, but her smile and pure delight in her laugh were what they remembered! Such a HUGE difference from what we experienced in China!!
She has decided that she LOVES Aubri's fancy scrunchies that she wears on her ponytail and has insisted both Saturday and Sunday that we put her hair up in a spout and put one on her too! She doesn't want to wear her little hat over them while out in the cold, however, since she constantly checks on it and looks at herself in every mirror possible and makes the biggest smiles at herself. She can also make the loudest screams of protest when it is covered with her hat! SO... today I got out a Christmas present of a hat with multicolored pom poms on it, kind of like a jesters hat. She has decided that that is even more fancy and has worn it all afternoon, over her fancy scrunchie! She also added a pair of Aubri's panties to the decor! Of course we laughed and she has enjoyed being our little bag lady! I would post a photo, but Aubri doesn't want her underwear posted :-) Imagine that!
I also have to sit back tonight and laugh at the "update" sent by the CCAA in August 06 when the families before me had requested on on my sweet and funny little girl. If she is MR, I need to get a new job, because she has not only acquired many English words, can count out sets of forks to pass out at dinner to match the number of people eating, but she also knows how to make chicken noodle soup! ( Sad, but we have had Campbell's chicken noodle a few times... ) She will try to help and will go get the can opener, and is very good at letting me know that the microwave is done, by already being in her seat, putting he own bib on and yelling " FINISHED" while pointing at the microwave! She is so in love with her clothing that she is able to sort pants and shirts and SHOW me which drawer to open for her to put them in, while happily chanting " Yang Yang yi fu!!" That "MR" dx is really holding her back soo much! HA!! I truly am a bit worried about what that Dr thought a child her age should be able to do after the neglect she experienced in that SWI... Especially since her reported "cerebral hemiplegia" allows her to eat ambidextrously without making a mess at all! Her toddling walk has quickly progressed this past month to a pretty balanced run, especially when she is gleeful that she will be chased! I so hope that he hears someday just what skills this little one with "MR" has caught up with and can do now!
Right now, I have three "nekkid" kiddos happily running down to the hall to go take a shower!
This house may be busy and always something new going on, but the laughter and giggles are so much a part of every activity that it all makes it so much easier!
Comic relief is the absolute best stress relief!!!
I work at the best school in the US of A, which pretty much makes it the best on the planet!
Our K-2 classes tonight did a program about a Martian Christmas, and it was priceless. I have photos, but once again, I cannot find the cable. ( I think I have a cable boggart, as Aubri would say!) Andy wanted to wear his Chinese clothing, because " I am an Earthling, Mommie, and Chinese people live on the Earth!" He is learning so much!! He is learning academics and good values too. His teachers are his idols and her is always coming home telling me new things he has learned, but I was very surprised to hear him say this and understand that his China is on the same planet earth as we are here. It fills my heart with joy to know that he is once again proud to be Chinese and American! He has come such a long way this past year and a half. He is happy, loves to learn and wants to be making good choices. He will help make the world a better place, as will the other kids he is learning with! I could not ask for anything more! I think those Martians would agree that our school is the BEST!
Before the program, however, the staff threw Sera a "baby" shower and spoiled her with all of her favorite things. Yes... absolutely beautiful clothes, necessities and a Dora doll! She is so excited about having things that belong to her! She loves clothes! She was so thrilled to open the packages! I was so worried about it overwhelming her, but this child loved being the center of attention! I know many in the adoption world would will be a bit critical about my having let her attend and participate with all the over stimulation, but it was so wonderful to see her bask in the positive attention! She was so truly happy!
She is also going to be the best dressed little girl in town, too! She went to bed tonight with her doll and 4 of her shirts... That is what she insisted on after coming home from the program really frustrated that she couldn't stay there and run around all night. This child absolutely loved the gym and all the noise and that she could run from us and we would chase her so that we didn't lose her!! I spoiled it all by insisting that we go home and get ready for bed... She was totally exhausted and once she crawled in the bed next to Aubri, she was OUT!! She held the shirts in her arms like a snuggle blanket and while sucking her thumb and holding the doll. She did not bang around to go to sleep! Now, I do know that she may wake and have a difficult night with all the stimulation today, but seeing her lying there so content was extra special and worth all the slaps she gave me while bringing her home from the program and any crying she might do tonight!
At the baby shower, Andy was trying very hard to be helpful and Aubri was so very proud of her little sister and being able to share her with the teachers there. She told me, "Mom, Sera is worth more than her weight in gold isn't she?" I had to agree! I also think they all are worth so much more than their weight in gold! I am so blessed with super kids!!
I was also so gigantically overwhelmed ( in a POSITIVE way, NOT at all like with all the trouble in China) at how wonderful the staff in my school are.... Not only did they spoil Sera and treat her like the true little princess she is.... they spoiled me too... ( * as I type there are tears streaming down my face...) They bought me a new I Pod.... I had really felt pretty stupid having lost mine, especially since I lost it with those dratted passports and visas. It had been a gift from my dad and being the geek that I am, I had really enjoyed it. Even though really did miss it and grieve its loss, I knew in my heart that with the help of all the lessons put in my path and prayers being said while we were there, I truly had brought home the most important things. I have truly been so grateful for my US citizenship and that the Lord was with us in helping us get the Visas and coming home safely, that it helped me put into perspective what are truly the most important things... I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I desperately need need these amazing little people in my life and can easily do without whatever comes along in life, as long as they are safe and sound. But....... just knowing that these wonderful people cared about me, ME........, a nobody, who makes crazy and goofy mistakes daily and can never get everything done that needs to be done and who is totally new to their school, enough to help me unwind at the end of the day this way is WAY more than I can wrap my mind around right now. I am so completely and deeply touched!!
I can honestly say that this journey to Sera has brought more amazingly wonderful people into my life than I could have ever imagined! So many people have prayed for her, helped with financial aspects of adopting her, been wonderful support for my dad, listening ears for me, cheerleaders for Sera, advocates for her medical care, supports for my children as they adjust to new roles in the family, etc.. I cannot begin to express the absolute gut felt, immense gratitude I feel for each and every one!
So right now, I may just write THANK YOU to each and every one of you! Please know, however, that it is MUCH, MUCH MORE than that!!
We have been home on "snow days" for the past two days due to a big ice storm which knocked out power all over town. We were lucky and have had power today, but Sera's daycare and our school did not.
It has been really nice to have these 2 days home with Sera, with absolutely nothing on the agenda that I "needed" to do AND when I have felt like myself, not a wet noodle....I wish I could have had more of those kinds of days when we first came home and that I did not have to go back to work to support us, but we really enjoyed these two days together! We hung out and relaxed, made cookies, blew bubbles, painted nails, played with stickers, danced around the house and even got some chores caught up!
Sera YangYang was thrilled to help me sort out her laundry and put it all away! She absolutely loves clothes! So much so ,that when she found a pair of Aubri's ruffle panties she wore when she was just a year old, she HAD to wear them! She pranced and danced all over in them and was so excited! She looked so cute that I just had to share a photo.... She stayed perfectly dry in them and asked several times to go to the bathroom. Much more so then when she has been in pullups! She wanted to keep them dry! After running around in her skivvies, she then must have been a bit cold, because she then piled on layer after layer.... the house was 70 degrees and she was soon sweating, but enjoying being a litlle clown. She is just too funny! Aubri and Andy were so happy to be playing with us and really enjoyed her too!
I have honestly been a bit, OK well... ALOT worried about how she has resisted being close to me any other time than when I have fed her, bathed her, dressed her or put lotion on her. She has been very sweet at these times, but when I try to pick her up and cuddle her just because... it absolutely infuriates her! She can be so independent does not want any help unless it is something she just cannot begin to do herself.... It is cute, but really worried me that she could not relax and let me help her.... She did not trust that I would, I guess. The struggles with Andy being aggressive to Aubri have dimmed so much that they truly are a distant memory and he always was wiling to snuggle with me.... "His needs were so different. He was sooo spoiled and initially wanted to return to be spoiled. Sera has never been spoiled, and is so afraid of everything new, including me... While I know not to take her refusals to let me into her heart personally, it has hurt.... deeply.
Somehow I think the Lord knew I was needing some reassurance that I truly did do the right thing in bringing her home and that I could help her learn to feel safe, enjoy being in a family and attach to us. Last night, after getting EXTREMELY put out with me for trying to wear her while we played, instead of rocking and banging so violently in the padded playpen in my room, she insisted on getting in bed with me! She cuddled and actually was patting my head and arm as she went to sleep sucking her thumb. It was just what I had been dreaming of happening and had begun to resign myself to never having it happen for a long time... I was in HEAVEN!!! She snuggled all night, only thumped her leg a few times and woke a happy smiling little girl. Her little chunky monkey hugs are the best! They are definitely cool water for this mom's dehydrated soul!
I know this is definitely not meaning that our struggles with attachment are over, by any means, but it sure does help me feel better in knowing that the 2 weeks we have off for Christmas will be able to be spent at home TOGETHER just hanging out and enjoying each other!! I cannot imagine a better Christmas! She is such a happy and engaging little one. We all just love being with her and playing with her. It will take lots of time and loads of work for her to learn to trust me to keep her safe and for her to fully understand that she will always be a part of our family, but at least I can finally see and believe that we CAN do this together in our not so little family of FOUR!!!
Wow, those words have never been more strongly and deeply felt in my heart!! It was so wonderful to get home and have familiar sounds and sights! It was so wonderful to no longer breathe that China air that had burned our nostrils and throats for the last two weeks! I honestly understand why people there often wear masks and have so many upper respiratory difficulties!! It would be torture not having clean air to breathe and needing to breathe that daily! Initially I did not feel to bothered by it, but as time went on it worsened and I craved fresh air. Inhaling a deep breath of the KC fresh air, where it had recently been raining was truly pure HEAVEN!! Even for badly infected sinuses!
Our flights are over!!! The longer one from Beijing to Newark was long, but Sera did sleep most of the way and was pretty OK with it all. The plane was big enough that we could stand up and walk around and the flight attendants kept her in good supply of snacks and juices. Security in Beijing was even OK. They actually assisted us getting on the plane! Every other China flight, we have been on our own and pushing through the crowds to get to our space without any help whatsoever.
When we got to Newark, Sera's paperwork went smoothly! We didn't even have to go to that big waiting room like we did last time and it was simply done while in the passport line. She is now a US citizen! No fanfare or hoopla, but still a US citizen. Until this trip, that has never meant quite as much to me. It was just something I took for granted. NEVER again! We have so many blessings here that we never even think about and often even grumble about! Yep... I can truly say that I was a "stupid American" and did not fully respect all that I have.... Maybe that is why all of this happened..... I will never know fully, but it certainly has opened my eyes and mind and made my heart EXTREMELY grateful!
Oh, I should mention that traveling with a temporary passport is "fun". NOT!! You are truly scrutinized at every checkpoint! I was exhausted when the new photo was taken and just as exhausted or more so going through security so it was pretty obvious that I was the tired and rally was the same loopy lady in the photo....but they really had to make sure and triple check!
Also, if you have ever had a passport issue, you will be physically searched at every checkpoint possible. Not fun when you have 3 backpacks, a screaming toddler, a stroller and a tried 9 yr old who does not understand that it is just precautionary and is afraid we would have to go sit in another police station!!! US security is thorough... very thorough.... I know it is a good thing, but I do not want to fly again!!
Sera was really put out with flying in a tiny airplane from Newark to KC. The plane was delayed and she was just fine settling in at the airport and was very indignant when I uprooted her AGAIN to get on another plane. She could not get comfortable in the seat and was kicking and screaming most of the way, while intermittently hitting at me, the stewardess and Aubri. She wanted the magazine and then would throw it and then want it again... Over and over... She was so tired and just wanted to go to bed somewhere, but not in that SEAT! There were two ladies on the plane who give seminars on adoption, the titles of their presentations are something like , Matters of the Heart and Because they Waited. I was handed a complimentary set of their DVD's and training manuals when we disembarked. They wrote on a business card that they knew just how challenging adopting an older child can be and wanted to support me. I was so sure at that point that everyone on the plane hated us.... Sera was so LOUD! I will look at them later, but haven't had time or energy today. Once again.. we were in the right place and connected with people who can help. that has happened so many times this trip that it just cannot be pure coincidence.
I truly believe that this little girl has and will continue to have a positive effect on many people throughout her life... Sera has many, many true living "angels" who have helped her come home in many different ways..... It is absolutely overwhelming to think of how many people are interested in her and have helped her. I am immeasurably grateful to all of you!!!!!
Deb and Rae were there waiting to pick us up. I was so happy to see them!! it was 1am! We discovered that one of my suitcases had broken, but the belts kept everything in, so all was well. I reported it and then was so HAPPY to leave!!!!
We started on home and I was starting to relax and finally believe we were headed home when an 8 pt buck jumped from the median and crashed into the truck on the left side. It caved in the door where Sera was sitting!! I could see it from the window as it hit. It was HUGE! Miraculously, it did not injure anyone and the truck was drivable! Sera was FINE!! She had big wide eyes and I am sure she wondered about US traffic at that point, but she didn't even whimper! Not good luck to have been hit,,,, but it came out much better than it could have.
We finally got home and fell into bed at 4 am. We slept until 1pm and then got up and went to school to see my Andy!! I was so happy to see him!! He has been such a good boy while I have been gone! I am so proud of him! We also went to the classroom and saw all the kids. It was really nice! I did get a phone call while there that I thought surely was a joke, from my consulting teacher about a potential new student. I found out it wasn't, but amazingly, after all of this, a new student and problem solving to find space, allocate time etc.. is nothing in comparison!! There is never a dull moment around here, but I am so glad that the moments are familiar and I know what to do to cope!!! NO Chinese police!!! Sera latched right on to Arina and was very happy to have someone to speak Chinese to her! Having Arina there, she was fine with all the faces popping in the room to take a peek at her. She also really latched on to Andy and seeing him with us really has appeared to help her. She even gave me a KISS tonight at Walmart after seeing Andy give me one!!
I wanted to get my driver's license renewed today but they aren't open on Mondays.... So the kids have dental appts tomorrow afternoon and I must get that license renewed!! ASAP! I do not want a ticket! I am going to work and Grandpa is taking the little people to the dentist. I am just a block away to help, if there is a problem ;-)
We came home, ate burritos for dinner and the kids took a bath and went to bed!! Everyone is sleeping peacefully right now and I am off to bed again myself. I will upload a few photos in the am if I can. I am too tired to walk out to try to find the cords right now :-)
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