Que Sera Sera

Well, the last time I tried to post this it all dissappeared and had me sign
into email again when I tried to send it. I hoped it would have sent, but since
I don't see anything in my email...... I am guessing it didn't.

We spent most of our day in the room playing and trying to rest some. Underline
the word trying..... Little Miss YangYang was going to have none of Aubri's and
my attempts to console her when she got tired and nothing, nothing at all was OK
with her. She rejects our touch most ot the time when she is happy... so when
she was angry she just could not see our trying to console her as helpful and it
made her madder. She was hitting and spitting and really letting us know just
how unhappy she is with all the changes she has had to go through lately, and
that she doesn't want white people comforting her. Instead of letting her rock
herself wildly on the bed to comfort herself I held her, which aggravated
matters, but sang to her and just let her rage on me and tried to let her know
that it didn't matter hom mush sh pushed me away, I still loved her. I am hoping
it was the right thing to do.

When she woke she was very subdued and withdrawn. She only slept about 20
minutes though and I know she was still exhausted. We met our group and went
out for Hot Pot for dinner. I hoped it would distract her. She did not scream to
be next to our Chinese guide and reached towards me to feed her, which is a big
improvement from last night. She had screamed and screamed on the van because we
were in the back seat and she could not see the guide. She had to eat by her and
would not let me help her for most of the meal. Tonight the guide let me feed
her and Sera, who thoroughly loves her food, gave in and happily pointed to the
foods she wanted, which was every bite I managed to pick up with chopsticks!
This gilrl truly loves her food!! It is the way for me to get into her little
heart. She has many walls to let down before she will ever really trust us, but
I can see that she will eventually.

Speaking of how much she loves to eat, this little chunky monkey weighs in at
30,1 lbs or 13.9 kg!!! She is solid! I do see portion control in our future
with her, but right now I am happy to try to feed her healthy foods, and even a
few less healthy ones she really likes to help her bond with us. the size 2T
leggings I have for her are really too long, but without the leastic waist, I am
sure she would need a bigger size. She is just so cute and cuddely. Please pray
for us that she will enjoy being cuddled and comforted by us some day!!

We discoverd this morning that the goop in her eyes is not just due to her SN.
Bonnie, who is traveling with us is a MD and she told us that it is an eye
infection, She even gave us antibiotic eye drops!!!! Talk about miracles....
This family has been such a great family to travel with. Without traveling with
them, I truly do not know what I would have done in Shenyang. I know I would
have eventually got her, but would have needed to call Andy's foster family for
help. It ruly is amazing how well things have worked out, despite the
disasters!! I am so relieved to know that her eyes may not need to be wiped
every 10 to 20 minutes or so to keep the goop out of them. Every photo I have of
her has her eyelashes somewhat clumped together. I can't wait to see how pretty
she is without this!!! I also know that eye infections hurt...... She has not
rubbed them, but it certainly explains why she hates to have them wiped!

She also loves to sing. After eating tonight she was in much better spirits and
rode back to the hotel waving her prize Sprite bottle she had confiscated from
the table while singing something about a duck saying ga, ga, ga. I think I
understood that much, but it may have been something totally different :-) She
sings in the tub, she sings while playing and sings while riding in her chariot.
She is quite happy most of the time, except when she is tired or when she is not
being touched on her terms. She will allow some touch, enoys some tickle times,
seems to like lotion being put on her, but no hugs, I love bathtime, because
that is the time she is most wiling to be touched. I really extend that
lotioning!! When she is happy but loves to be sung to and with! Tonight Aubri
taught her to sing " Im a big kid now" while I was putting her pullup on. She
only sang it 2 times and Sera was repeating her clearly!! She sang in for about
30 minutes after her bath while she played. She is a smart little cookie!!
MR.... my foot! She loves to mimic and will mimic any word, especially if Aubri
says it. It is just too cute!!

We went out on our own some this afternoon to walk down the street to the bank
to change some money and to Mc D's to grab a bite of lunch. The kids got happy
meals with Friendlies toys. Aubril was thrilled to get a Ying Ying toy, which is
her favorite.

We discovered on our journey that while about 6 out of 10 people will stare at
Sera and make a disgusted face, 2 out of 10 will make a rude comment and try to
engage us in discussing what is wrong with her or saying what she looks like
very negatively. She reacts to this and tears up and hides her face. Since I
cannot carry her, with my knees, long distances we have her in the stroller. We
just repeat over and over to her how pretty she is and make a big deal of the
bow in her hair (which she adores), This seems to help, but what a confusing
world this has been for her!! This nice thing, in our informal little data
collection, is that 2 out of 10 people also smile at her and say something kind
to her!! They smile at us and are oftenquite helpful in the case of our opening
doors, waiting in Mc D's and giving her a balloon, and talking to her and making
he smile!! We are just going to count these people from now on!

I also decided that I am being pretty naive to think that we will not receive
similar treatment at home. While the facial deformity won't carry the "bad luck"
stigma, it is certainly going to draw stares. I know they will not be as bold.
Or at least I hope so! Today one couple was dropping their jaws as they walked
by us and just continued to stare and stare. I finally pulled out my camera and
politely asked them in English if they would like a photo, it would last longer.
They unerstood the words. The man actually got out his camera!!!! The only thing
I could do at that point was LAUGH!! Aubri and I both laughed aloud and this
actually embarrassed him and he put away his camera phone and the couple turned
away and went in a store! We are taling about ways that we can positively
handle this at home. We know it has to have a sad effect on our little chunky
monkey.... If you have any ideas, please share!!!

Here are a few photos of our night. Tomorrow we will go to the park,

I am going back to bed and hopefully sleeping! I woke when Aubri rolled over
and knocked Sera out of bed! She is now sleeping with me and fell asleep in bed
with me without too many tears and even smiled when i gave her back her little
doll she dropped.

I just have to figure out where to sleep, since Sera has taken over my bed :-) I
am betting that ther will be more tears when she discovers i have not given it
up to her! Oh well.... I see many of these frustrations for her in our future
as we adust. I am so glad that I know, from having lived through Andy's
transistion to a family, that it will get so much better and will be so worth
it!!